Every woman desires marriage until it’s time to actually be married. Let me tell you a secret: The wedding is easy, it’s marriage that requires work. It’s all fun and games until the reception is over. A lot of women gather all of their
prettiest closest family members, friends and sorors to stand beside them during the ceremony. However, the bridal party is not only meant for partying and getting the bride down the aisle.
Every woman needs a trusted set of individuals who can pray with and for her. I have a tribe that can offer sound advice and talk me off the ledge when I’ve been ready to call it quits. (Oh, I’m not talking about you. I know your marriage is perfect). Women also need friends that won’t judge them if they take longer to walk the aisle or never marry.
I think that our society places so much emphasis on the dress that the woman underneath the veil is oftentimes unprepared after she says, “I Do.” I learned the hard way that it is impossible for me to be the wife God called me to be or that my husband needs me to be if I am operating out of my flesh. PAUSE. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
Let’s talk about marriage God’s way. Disclaimer: If you are not a believer, you can still benefit from the foundation of marriage that the bible portrays. If you consider yourself to be a Christian, you will likely find yourself teetering between agreement and anger. At least that’s how I felt when I first read about submission LOL. Be prepared to swallow your pride.
By nature, I am sweet and considerate of other’s feelings. I love pouring into women and sharing my story with them. I strongly believe that I can offer at least a glimpse of hope to another woman by my transparency.
How does this look in a relationship with a man? The same way, until he says something I don’t like. “Who does he think he is talking to?” My solution has always been to just end the relationship. Dump him before he dumps me.
I never had any real plan on facing problems, just a short term solution of running away from them. That doesn’t necessarily work in marriage. I have been forced to face my insecurities and deal with them. Marriage God’s way holds a mirror up to you both. Your spouse reveals a reflection of your spirit that you would otherwise ignore.
I believe in protecting my space and only having people around me that emit positive energy. You know…GOOD VIBES ONLY! I have gone through too much and worked to hard for my peace. Then, I read about Paul in 2 Cor 11:16-33. I guess I haven’t went through THAT much after all. And the crucifixion? Jesus makes my problems, issues, past betrayals etc. seem minute in comparison. Suddenly, the “cross” I carry does not feel so heavy.
What has #wifelife revealed to me? I had to face the music that I tend to be passive aggressive until I reach my breaking point. Then, I turn into The Hulk on PMS. I’m not Ms. Perfect. Not by a long shot. I know that I can have a bad attitude. I do not like being told what to do if I already know it’s my responsibility. I despise being micro managed or controlled. I’m grown, so I can do what I want to do, right? Wrong.
I have become enraged for the smallest things. Sometimes, I am angry and I don’t even know why. I can blame hormones, my past, or I can take a step back and check my heart. This is different from negative self talk. This is doing the work to journey through self love and healing.
Recently, I was praying and pouring my heart out to God. I had to quiet my spirit and ask Him to reveal the source of the emotion I was feeling. I heard clear as day: I cannot intervene if you keep getting in my way. Let ME talk to him. The same love and attention you desire from him is what I want from you.
Suddenly, it dawned on me that as long as I am doing what I am supposed to do, I am honoring God. When I step outside of those parameters, all hell breaks loose. Literally.
Do I know that my husband loves me? Yes. Does the enemy still lie to me and tell me otherwise? Absolutely. We have different love languages but the enemy will use that to communicate division. This is why I have to stay in constant fellowship with Christ and like-minded individuals.
I can show the love of God or turn people away from the faith through my actions. This goes for my household and everyone else I encounter. Even for people I don’t realize are watching me.
I went to a Marriage Retreat with our church earlier this year. The speakers burst my bubble when they revealed the following: I am to submit to my husband whether I feel he deserves it or not. There were no exceptions listed in that scripture. Being submissive does not mean that I get bossed around or walked on like a doormat. We are very much a team. And when I feel like he is being a jerk, I have learned to shut up and pray about it. God always softens his heart a lot better than I can. God will either reveal to me the source of the disagreement and give me peace, direct me to talk to my husband at the right time or remain silent. In that time, He also deals with my wrongdoings as well. This is not a sign of weakness, but of resilience and strength.
So, there you have it. It took me almost a decade to learn so that I can save you lessons of remediation. Submission is not a choice nor does it equate to weakness or inferiority. What are your thoughts on this?