Years of Remediation & Lessons Learned

 

Social Life: This photo is hilarious now that I feel better. It’s the perfect depiction of my mood ever since the solar eclipse. I went from feeling super anxious & wanting to isolate myself, to not feeling like I had enough people in my corner. I was mad at everyone. “Why don’t people call and check on me? I’m tired of being the strong one all the time.” I show up for people in a major way but don’t always feel that it is reciprocated for me. *This statement does not apply to my entire tribe.

Love Life: I thought my husband wasn’t hearing me on a few issues but the last two weeks showed me that he’s actually been very attentive. He knew my desires without me having to say anything. Shout out to all the women who were hurt and decided to love again. Shout out to the men patient enough to learn them, love them & stay committed to growing with them.

Work Life: I have been so darn frustrated at my job. I teeter on the edge of wanting to quit like every other day. I know that my presence there makes it a better place and I am making a difference in the lives of those I encounter. But do I really want to keep “saving a life” at the expense of my own? I do not feel like I am living my best life. I feel like I am just existing and I don’t know what to do about it at this point.

Lesson Learned: Repetitive obstacles shed light on underlying issues that need to be resolved. It’s not always a matter of what the other person has done wrong. Certain things can be indicative of something that YOU have not healed from. For example, I grew up in a household where children were seen and not heard. As an adult, whenever I felt like my point wasn’t being heard, it triggered the frustration I’ve felt all my life about communication. So, I would end up exploding. I spent so much time in my marriage thinking HE was the sole source of our communication problems, never considering what I could have done differently. *Don’t waste years of your relationship repeating the same mistake.

My job is a source of income but it is not my destination. I have to remember that my discomfort is temporary and that this season is necessary to go to the next level. There is a reason I was assigned this task and I must be the light even in the midst of darkness. Le sigh.

I had a patient that was practically alone, but had one visitor who introduced himself as Mr. John Doe’s really good friend. I’m sure John Doe never thought he would outlive his spouse, daughter AND grandson but he had a friend in his corner to help him through the  most difficult time of his life. This reminded me to take time to nurture my friendships. I’m so used to pouring my all into work and family that I don’t realize when I neglect my girlfriends.

What you think you don’t want or keep pushing away may be exactly what you need.

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